One never realizes just how much of a sinner they are, until people pray aloud for them about how much of a Christian one is and how much they have seen that person grow in Christ. Tonight was the C&C prayer meeting (which was great by the way). And Nate had everyone pray for each person that was there.

After Brendon was prayed for, it moved on to me, and some of the things mentioned hit me like, "I don't feel like that," or "Am I really all these things that they are praying/thanking God for/about me?" I know it wasn't supposed to make me ashamed of calling myself a Christian, but it sure made me realize how much I behave like one some places and not others. How it feels like a facade to call one self a Christian, and only behave like one around other Christians. Sometimes I wonder if I even can do that.* Its just makes me sick inside when people praise how "Christian" I am. And I look at myself and see all the hate, anger, spite, lust, deceit, filth and grime, and I think "I'm no Christian... please don't praise me, and for heaven's sake don't follow my example." I feel a lot like a song by Casting Crowns called Stained Glass Masquerade



I know that even recognizing this is a step in the right direction towards Christ-like behavior. I know that one will never be perfect on this side of heaven, you can only strive to get as close as possible.

So as I write this blog I am currently evaluating some of the many factors that cause me to hide my faith some places and not in others and how I can make myself more bold in my walk with Christ no matter where I go.

One of the issues I have is a fear of crowds and large social gatherings. I don't know what it is about it. Maybe it's the dozens of voices talking at once, or just the lack of personal space. Maybe the unfamiliar people, or just me being stupid and not controlling this fear. But I see myself running for the door every time I am in one of these situations.

Another is my inability to hold a lasting conversation about anything... Usually its mostly one sided with me listening, maybe throwing a few words in and then there being an awkward silence. How can I be a proclaimer of Christ's redemptive sacrifice if I can't even tell someone "how I am doing today"? Instead its a "I'm good, you?" even though I'm not. Then half-listening to them say "I'm good, thanks" and then separating from one another.

One thing I have noticed more about myself lately is that I have grown more openly honest. Which I don't know if thats good or bad (probably bad). Ask me a question and I won't usually dance around it, even if the answer is not one you want to hear. But this has also gotten me in trouble sometimes. I have been told I need to filter what and how I say things. You know the whole think before you talk thing. Especially being in politically correct. But as most people know I'm no hippie, and I don't act like a hippie. And being politically correct is just lame.

So now I am searching Bible Gateway, for some kind of relevant verse. I look up hypocrite, and find this:

James 1:26

26 If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.

That sure made me feel better...**

And then I started reading my Bible, and I started reading through Psalm again, and I found this:

Psalm 6:1-7

1 LORD, do not rebuke me in Your anger;
do not discipline me in Your wrath.

2 Be gracious to me, LORD, for I am weak;
heal me, LORD, for my bones are shaking;

3 my whole being is shaken with terror.
And You, LORD— how long?

4 Turn, LORD! Rescue me;
save me because of Your faithful love.

5 For there is no remembrance of You in death;
who can thank You in Sheol?

6 I am weary from my groaning;
with my tears I dampen my pillow
and drench my bed every night.

7 My eyes are swollen from grief;
they grow old because of all my enemies.

Then Psalm 38, is one Nate brought up at the meeting:

1 O LORD, do not rebuke me in Your wrath,

Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure!
2 For Your arrows pierce me deeply,
And Your hand presses me down.

3 There is no soundness in my flesh
Because of Your anger,
Nor any health in my bones
Because of my sin.
4 For my iniquities have gone over my head;
Like a heavy burden they are too heavy for me.
5 My wounds are foul and festering
Because of my foolishness.

6 I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly;
I go mourning all the day long.
7 For my loins are full of inflammation,
And there is no soundness in my flesh.
8 I am feeble and severely broken;
I groan because of the turmoil of my heart.

9 Lord, all my desire is before You;
And my sighing is not hidden from You.
10 My heart pants, my strength fails me;
As for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me.

11 My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my plague,
And my relatives stand afar off.
12 Those also who seek my life lay snares for me;
Those who seek my hurt speak of destruction,
And plan deception all the day long.

13 But I, like a deaf man, do not hear;
And I am like a mute who does not open his mouth.
14 Thus I am like a man who does not hear,
And in whose mouth is no response.

15 For in You, O LORD, I hope;
You will hear, O Lord my God.
16 For I said, “Hear me, lest they rejoice over me,
Lest, when my foot slips, they exalt themselves against me.”

17 For I am ready to fall,
And my sorrow is continually before me.
18 For I will declare my iniquity;
I will be in anguish over my sin.
19 But my enemies are vigorous, and they are strong;
And those who hate me wrongfully have multiplied.
20 Those also who render evil for good,
They are my adversaries, because I follow what is good.

21 Do not forsake me, O LORD;
O my God, be not far from me!
22 Make haste to help me,
O Lord, my salvation!

Now I pray LORD please don't leave me, make come quickly and help me, make me stronger in You. Help me to put all my trust and faith in You. And not try and do it all myself. I am weary from the weight of my sins, take them from me that I can be a more glorifying person for You. Help me to make sure my religion is not useless. Thank You God for Your grace and mercy. None of which I deserve, but because You loved me, You sent Your Son to die for me. Now all You ask is for me to be more like Him, to strive for perfection in all I do. Thank You for putting this on my heart to want to love and serve and be more honest for and about You. Thank You for your grace. Amen.

Thank you all for reading, hopefully it wasn't completely incoherent.

*Ask Emily about the sign-language, or don't, it doesn't make her happy, and I think that's why I do it. For the reaction. Something I have got to work on ending.
**obvious sarcasm.

at the time of finally finishing this post it is now 6:30am Saturday.

more random videos...



The second part of Batman on "I'm a Marvel and I'm a DC"




"Berries and Cream" for Brendon per Jason


Definition of a Code Monkey

I didn't realize how many people read my blog. It's weird going to church and someone coming up and saying "I read your post on Monday.", or "I really like the video you posted on Wednesday." etc... I kind of figured that some would read it, but not so many as have. I guess that’s what happens when your link shows up on popular blogs such as Emily's and Brendon's.

I guess I should say thanks to those who have read it, and commented on it. It kind of makes me feel less stupid for trying this out. Like it's not all completely dumb ramblings. Like this one.

Today I feel compelled to write about how I keep sane on the freeways, driving all day, with all those crazy orange countyites.*

Listening to music has always been my way of not going all road ragey on people. If you didn't know I actually have quite a temper. And it only seems to get more enraged when people drive stupidly around me. When Brendon, Rachel and I were at Magic Mountain I told him, "I just in a punching mood today."

I know, I know, I not one to talk about proper driving procedure. Just look at the front of my truck. But that was mainly because my brain stopped working in the middle of a left turn. Otherwise I think I am pretty good driver. Others may say different.

Anyways back to music, I used to listen to Kroq 106.7 on the radio, or if I had a cd it was usually a Reel Big Fish CD, or something like System of a Down, Rage Against the Machine, Black Sabbath, etc... I used to feel that the harder, edgier it was the more relaxed while driving I was. I would sing along**, not caring about the lyrics, just liking the sound.

Then I wondered one day, "Is this music, for all intents and purposes, good for me?" Like was it helping me grow in Christ? I actually sat an listened to some of it. And decided that no it wasn't. Now I still like the music, but its not going to be on my radio for a long time.

So I started listening to The Fish 95.5. Considering the only Christian music I own is Veggie Tales CDs. I listened to that for a while, but grew tired of the amount of actual "Christian" music they played. Its a great station and I am sure a lot of people really enjoy it. But for me it just wasn't flying.

So I started listening to political radio, and just found myself getting angry.

Well one day at work I was messing with my HD-Radio (which is awesome by the way), trying to find the different HD-Sub-stations. While doing that I stumbled upon a station coming from Redlands. Its called KSGN 89.7, and its fantastic. It plays all "Christian" worship type music. They don't have a very large song list, but thats alright because most the songs they do play are great no mater how many times I hear them. Now I know that when I sing** along its usually glorifying to God. And I feel less angry when I drive.

My only issue is that the station comes in very faintly and I am always struggling to keep it up. So now I have to go buy some new CDs to fill those dead areas.

So give it a listen if you can catch it. They also stream online so try there if you like. Its also completely listener supported. So there are very few commercials.

Thanks again for reading. I'll see ya'll sometime this week Thursday or Sunday.

Pslam 126:2-3

2 Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
And our tongue with singing.
Then they said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."

3 The LORD has done great things for us,
And we are glad.


*I have had more drivers try to kill me in OC than in LAC.

**singing is a term used lightly. Like I told nate on saturday, "I can't sing, play, or do anything musically, but I can usually tell when something/someone doesn't play/sing right. And I usually get chastised for pointing it out.

just some random stuff I found pretty funny....


Spiderman, Superman & Batman...


Bruce Campbell Rules


Moo & Oink... I wish we had a moo & oink...


If you ever played Genesis you'll get this... not necessarily funny as much as odd...


Glad I never took Driver's ed... I might have killed somebody.


Racewalker!

Today was an odd kinda wake-up call... I was kinda hoping for about 7 hours sleep, but me being a fairly light sleeper, heard my dog barking in the backyard... at about 4am. Usually it’s because my neighbors are going to work and stuff. So I normally knock (pound) on the window next to the bed and call her name, and most times she stops... This time she was relentless and it was getting really annoying with her little double half-bark... so I get out of bed it’s about 4:15 now. Go down stairs and call her name. She doesn't come. I look at my neighbors back yard, no lights... they're not awake, at least not in the backyard. Then I see my dog diggin' and scratchin' and barkin' in the back corner of the yard under & around a bench. I'm like "Crap... it’s a possum."

Now after this the post gets fairly graphic... not for those who are friends to all animals, but what was done was for the protection of another animal, and thus my family. For those of you who love/like possums. Here is a site for you. I decided censorship is dumb and you should make your own choices whether or not to read or do something. But then I was talking to Brendon and figured out that its probably better censored. Highlight to read on if you want.

I don't know how many of ya'll have killed one of these before, but they're pretty tough. I have only killed two in my life.

The first one was on top of the car one day and I had to beat it to death with a golf club... and then when I was scooping it up with a shovel it resurrected. I dumped it on the ground and then I had to break its neck with the blade of the shovel. Even after that it was still hissing and looking around for like another 10 minutes.

The second one was the visitor I had this morning.

Well now I am calling my dog over to me so I can tie her up out of the way. And she starts to come my way then right before I can grab her, she runs right back over to the bench she was diggin' around. Now the barking has turned into fighting and biting noises. ARRRRGGGG!!! So I walk over to her and snatch her collar into my hand and drag her over to the post to tie her up. Now I'm looking for the pellet gun. It’s not in the garage where it usually is. I check my parents room, nope not there; their bathroom, nope. My parents are in Arizona for the week of Convention. So basically I'm by myself here... well after much searching and cursing*... So I call my dad in Arizona, it’s now 4:45-5:00am, "Where’s the pellet gun?" I ask. He says "In the garage where it usually is." Nope... So I dig around in the garage and find it buried under some stuff, nice right where I needed it. I grab the pellets and the gun. This is a pellet gun that shoots BB's too so you have to load the pellets specially, and I'm trying, but can't get them to load, turns out there is a stupid little "clip" that you load 5 pellets into and then load into the gun. And that’s the only way the gun will load them... I get the clip now. I line the possum up in the sights, shooting for the eyes, the skin is too tough to try and penetrate, or so dad told me. I hit him... he’s still moving... pump it up again... slide the clip. This time he’s tucked his face under himself. So I take a body shot. That got his attention. One more to the face, then one to the neck, and now the dog is going nuts... It must be dying. I look under the bench and the thing is oozing blood out its nose and mouth. But it’s still hissing (fairly chokingly).

So I go get a trashcan, a bag and a shovel. I come back "It should be dead by now." Wrong... Still alive, still breathing, kinda. So I take the shovel and poke it in towards the critter and line it up on its neck, and jam it into the wall "now it’s dead..." Wrong. But it basically curled up and died a minute later. So I scooped it up, put it into a bag, tossed it into the can, and put some dirt on top…

So now I sit here blogging about it. It’s now about 5:45 and I have to leave for work in about an hour. No point in going to bed just to wake-up more tired.

Nothing starts the day better than killing one of God’s creatures. Well Thanks for reading my adventures, Off to work I go. I'm so tired...

Today is not going to be fun, but Thank You God for today in the first place. Help me to glorify, give credit and honor to You in everything I do and say* today.

*(sorry folks this is one of my habits I am working very hard on ending.)

Day 2 of class done... I think I did alright... better than others that were there. I didn't die obviously, so to those of you who were hoping, sorry. Maybe tomorrow. Sunday is the last day of this class. I am really glad I am taking it, because without it I don't think I would get the hang of it as quickly.

Thanks to Emily yesterday I was quite upset, because she told me (paraphrasing Tony The Tiger) "how grrreat!" Bible study was. Thanks Emily. You could have said it was horrible and made me feel alright about missing, but noooooo... And now I am going to miss Sunday School. Arrrrrggg... It better be just plain awful.
I hope everyone understands sarcasm, or else this post might sound mean...

Today was a good day in general, motorcycle class, then lunch, then Brendon and I went "shopping" for bikes, sitting and looking at a bunch of them. I have pretty much settled my mind on what I want. A cruiser is the bike for me. I just have to find a good price on a used one. Well nothing inspirational today, have to get to sleep, with an early wake up call tomorrow.
Stay safe all. Enjoy church. I'll see most of ya'll Sunday night. If you want a verse, Psalm 65-66

Psalm 65

(Praise to God for His salvation and Providence.)

1 Praise is awaiting You, O God, in Zion;
And to You the vow shall be performed.
2 O You who hear prayer,
To You all flesh will come.
3 Iniquities prevail against me;
As for our transgressions,
You will provide atonement for them.

4 Blessed is the man You choose,
And cause to approach You,
That he may dwell in Your courts.
We shall be satisfied with the goodness of Your house,
Of Your holy temple.

5 By awesome deeds in righteousness You will answer us,
O God of our salvation,
You who are the confidence of all the ends of the earth,
And of the far-off seas;
6 Who established the mountains by His strength,
Being clothed with power;
7 You who still the noise of the seas,
The noise of their waves,
And the tumult of the peoples.
8 They also who dwell in the farthest parts are afraid of Your signs;
You make the outgoings of the morning and evening rejoice.

9 You visit the earth and water it,
You greatly enrich it;
The river of God is full of water;
You provide their grain,
For so You have prepared it.
10 You water its ridges abundantly,
You settle its furrows;
You make it soft with showers,
You bless its growth.

11 You crown the year with Your goodness,
And Your paths drip with abundance.
12 They drop on the pastures of the wilderness,
And the little hills rejoice on every side.
13 The pastures are clothed with flocks;
The valleys also are covered with grain;
They shout for joy, they also sing.

Psalm 66

(Praise to God for His awesome works.)

1 Make a joyful shout to God, all the earth!
2 Sing out the honor of His name;
Make His praise glorious.
3 Say to God,
“How awesome are Your works!
Through the greatness of Your power
Your enemies shall submit themselves to You.
4 All the earth shall worship You
And sing praises to You;
They shall sing praises to Your name.” Selah

5 Come and see the works of God;
He is awesome in His doing toward the sons of men.
6 He turned the sea into dry land;
They went through the river on foot.
There we will rejoice in Him.
7 He rules by His power forever;
His eyes observe the nations;
Do not let the rebellious exalt themselves. Selah

8 Oh, bless our God, you peoples!
And make the voice of His praise to be heard,
9 Who keeps our soul among the living,
And does not allow our feet to be moved.
10 For You, O God, have tested us;
You have refined us as silver is refined.
11 You brought us into the net;
You laid affliction on our backs.
12 You have caused men to ride over our heads;
We went through fire and through water;
But You brought us out to rich fulfillment.

13 I will go into Your house with burnt offerings;
I will pay You my vows,
14 Which my lips have uttered
And my mouth has spoken when I was in trouble.
15 I will offer You burnt sacrifices of fat animals,
With the sweet aroma of rams;
I will offer bulls with goats. Selah

16 Come and hear, all you who fear God,
And I will declare what He has done for my soul.
17 I cried to Him with my mouth,
And He was extolled with my tongue.
18 If I regard iniquity in my heart,
The Lord will not hear.
19 But certainly God has heard me;
He has attended to the voice of my prayer.

20 Blessed be God,
Who has not turned away my prayer,
Nor His mercy from me!

Alright good night again... Hopefully I wont get "deadened" tomorrow...

well... motorcycle class went well... kinda mad I missed Bible Study tho, then I am also going to miss Sunday morning Sunday School, and possibly worship. But I may as well get it done with. If I really want a motorcycle this is probably the best way to get moving in that direction. Josh is taking it at the same time as me, so thats cool. Once I finish the class I can go to DMV and get my license with out taking the DMV behind the handlebars test. I would really like to get a cruiser bike, thus making long trips less of a pain and more enjoyable, but a sport bike would be cool too. So anyways...

Those of you who don't know, my job is me driving around the greater OC area delivering, picking-up, and installing various signs & sign materials. So while I drive I see a lot of different things. Especially how vain some people are about their cars.

Like this one.I mean how can anyone be so vain as to think "Everyone has to know what year my car is! So I'll get a personalized plate stating such fact." Who cares... So this person spends extra money each year to so people how old his car is getting and how lame they are.

Then there are the cars that are not that "cool" per se.

Come on now... Rims, graphics(poorly done by the way), clear tail lights on a family van... Why? What will doing this accomplish? All I see happening is you wasting a lot of money so people like me can point and laugh.

Then theres the people who just don't care.


I think this is my favorite, because why not take the 10 seconds to to pick some of the garbage off your car...

Then I got to thinking about it... In what ways am I vain? I don't primp and preen in the mirror (some of ya'll may be able to tell that), I don't really try to "bling" out my truck... The way it is is the way I bought it, except the radio.
Then I look at myself and wonder about all this random crap that I own. What good is it? Can I use random Coke memorabilia in Heaven? So why did I spend money on it? Just so I could say I have it and brag about it I guess... It's some pretty neat stuff, at least in coke collector circles it is.
So I did a word search on Bible Gateway for vain. and found Ecclesiastes 2. And this chapter basically sums it up. "...for all is vanity and is like grasping for the wind." Now I have to see what I can do to be less vain and more Christ focused. Don't spend money on stuff I'll never use. As Matthew 6:19-20 says:

19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal;
20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.

Well I gotta get to work, I might be having a yard sale soon... or a big eBay marathon of selling. we'll see. Thanks for reading.
And please pray for Josh and I as we go to this motorcycle class, I would very much not like to die. But if I did, it wouldn't be so bad.

Ok... I'm going to try this again. If you had been reading before, then you have noticed the blog is completely blank. If your new... welcome to my now completely blank blog... And with this new blog I am going to try and have more coherent postings and thoughts. And if you have ever spoken to me you'll know how hard that is going to be for me.

Well here goes...

Lately I have been trying to do a more regular personal Bible study & prayer time. I try to get some studying in every day. And most days I do, in the little time I have, before I have to walk in the door to work. I know this is not the way it should be. I know it should be the first thing I do in the morning and the last thing I do at night. I also find myself messing around the house later and later everyday and getting to work 5 minutes before I start, thus not accomplishing the goal that I had set. Well today I got home from work and decided to start reading my Bible; I started where I had left off in Psalm 45. I really like the book of Psalm. As I was reading I came to Psalm 50:

1. The Mighty One, God the LORD,
Has spoken and called the earth
From the rising of the sun to its going down.

2. Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty,
God will shine forth.

3. Our God shall come, and shall not keep silent;
A fire shall devour before Him,
And it shall be very tempestuous all around Him.

4. He shall call to the heavens from above,
And to the earth, that He may judge His people:

5. “Gather My saints together to Me,
Those who have made a covenant with Me by sacrifice.”

6. Let the heavens declare His righteousness,
For God Himself is Judge. Selah

7. “Hear, O My people, and I will speak,
O Israel, and I will testify against you;
I am God, your God!

8. I will not rebuke you for your sacrifices
Or your burnt offerings, Which are continually before Me.

9. I will not take a bull from your house,
Nor goats out of your folds.

10. For every beast of the forest is Mine,
And the cattle on a thousand hills.

11. I know all the birds of the mountains,
And the wild beasts of the field are Mine.

12. “If I were hungry, I would not tell you;
For the world is Mine, and all its fullness.

13. Will I eat the flesh of bulls,
Or drink the blood of goats?

14. Offer to God thanksgiving,
And pay your vows to the Most High.

15. Call upon Me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.”

And I was like “Wow…” This is pretty good… I especially liked the end of verse 7 “I am God, your God!” Then verse 15 “Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.” Then I read on...

16. But to the wicked God says:
“What right have you to declare My statutes,
Or take My covenant in your mouth,

17. Seeing you hate instruction
And cast My words behind you?

18. When you saw a thief, you consented with him,
And have been a partaker with adulterers.

19. You give your mouth to evil,
And your tongue frames deceit.

20. You sit and speak against your brother;
You slander your own mother’s son.

21. These things you have done, and I kept silent;
You thought that I was altogether like you;
But I will rebuke you,
And set them in order before your eyes.

22. “Now consider this, you who forget God,
Lest I tear you in pieces,
And there be none to deliver:

And I started thinking (I know pretty shocking). I am just like this last half of the chapter. I have done all these things, one way or another. I am totally undeserving of God’s grace and mercy. Undeserving of Christ’s dying on the cross for my sins, just for me to continually commit them; deliberately. Then the last verse:

23. Whoever offers praise glorifies Me;
And to him who orders his conduct aright
I will show the salvation of God.”

Now I am thinking, how often have I praised God for anything? How often have I asked and begged for something, but not thanked Him for what He has given me? Also is my conduct right with God? How can I change what I have been doing, so that I might be shown “the salvation of God”?

Tonight I am going to sit and pray for God to show me the things in my life that I need to change and remedy. Pray and thank Him for everything He is doing, or has done for me. And while I’m at it, I’ll re-read Psalm 51. Thanks for reading. I hope I totally didn’t misinterpret this Psalm.

EDIT: I didn't realize Brendon posted this same exact verse on his blog which is way more coherent and life changing than mine, go read it...