For those who don't know yet... Yesterday I was arrested...

Yes that is correct finally Paul was arrested. Except that it wasn't for doing anything wrong... Here goes...


Yesterday I was writing an e-mail, and all of the sudden I hear my mom screaming bloody murder in the backyard, "Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam!, etc...(about a thousand times)" I'm in my room which over looks the back porch where she was... and can hear her loud and clear. I thinking she has hurt herself... So I go running down the stairs, Sam is right in front of me... Then I hear "Paul get your cat out of the window..." I thinking, "Whats wrong with my cat?" so I go back to my room and snatch my cat out of the window... Well turns out there is a hole in the screen, and my mom thought he was going to jump 15ft to his death, so at 7:30 in the morning she starts screaming bloody murder... about a cat... a cat that has in the past done, what she saw him do, a million times before... a cat that is over 15 years old... But apparently she had first called my brother Sam on his phone to remove the cat from the window. He said he would but didn't. Reminds me of this.

Well anyways... after all that I look at the clock, I had forgotten I was supposed to deliver something to Buena Park at 8am. So I run back to my room shut the window, grab most of my stuff... and run out to the truck and drive off. Well, about halfway to the freeway on-ramp I realized I left my Bible and cell phone at home. So I turn around and go back home, park halfway into the driveway. And run up and get my Bible and phone. As I am heading back down the street, I see a cop. Cops are not my friends... They tend to single me out. So I make sure I am driving correctly, not speeding, etc... as I get closer to the corner he pulls his car out in front of mine blocking the street. Then he jumps out and points his gun at me telling me to turn the truck off...

Once I see the gun, my hands are in the air... He tells me to put my hands out the window and open the door. Problem is the outside door handle of my truck is non-op. So he was yelling at me to open the door and keep my hands up out side. I had to open it. I used the inside handle. I didn't get shot. Yay!

Now I am outside the car and he tells me to turn around, and walk backwards... I shout to him, "What did I do?", he says "Get on the ground now!" Keep in mind the gun is still pointed at me... I get on the ground and he says "Cross your legs!" I cross my legs. He says, "Put your legs out to the side!" I uncross my legs, and spread them. He yells "I said cross your legs!" I say to the asphalt, "But you just said spread your legs." This goes on until another cop arrives with gun drawn on me. I finally get it figured out that he wanted my legs crossed and my "hands" out to my sides... Buffoon.

heh... take that jerk. Now face down on the street, legs crossed and arms spread out to my sides. The new cop that just arrived moments ago, comes walking over to me, still with gun drawn... I say, "What did I do?" He says, "We'll tell you what you did, you (expletive deleted)." Ok, I stopped talking, they were being ridiculous. They cuff me and then roll me over on my right side. And start searching my pockets... In my left pocket were two packets of Pop-Tarts, like I said I was late for work and grabbed food and ran. Well, as he is about to reach into my pocket I say, "Wanna Pop-Tart?" So then they stood me up and walked me over to the cruiser, and finished searching my pockets. I thought it odd they never asked if I had anything sharp in them... And they only searched 4 of the 7 pockets the shorts have.

After groping around in my pockets they decided to ask me some questions...

"Where are you going?" I'm late for work.

"Why in such a hurry?" I said I'm late for work.

"Whats all the screaming about?" Now, I am totally lost, I had forgotten what had just happened 20 minutes ago. Then I remembered and told them, "It was my mom screaming because she thought the cat was going to jump to his death."

They said "That's it?" Yes.

"Is you mom home?" I see her car and say Yes.

"Will she verify that thats all that happened?" I hope so.

So one goes down to the house and I look in my corner neighbors window and see she is on her phone watching this whole thing... Nice. They stuff me in the back of the cruiser, and I say, "This is the first time I have ever been in the back of a cruiser with cuffs on." The first cop, says to me ,"Lets hope you're not lying about the screams." I say, "I assure you I am not." Then he takes my info, and then has the nerve to make small talk with me...

"Oh... you have a motorcycle license?" Yeah...

The cop who went down to the house called back and said, no one is answering, does he have a key to the house? We are going to have to "make entry." I say try calling her cell phone... They call my mom, tell her the deputies are at the door and she need to speak with them... Turns out she was in the bathroom before they called.

Back to the car, after hearing them talk to mom the guy has the nerve to make small talk with me again...

"What kind of bike are you gonna get?" I want a Yamaha V-star 1100, but will take what I can get...(jerk)

"Your not gonna get a Harley?" No. (jerk)

Then some fat cop comes over and says, "I've never pulled Pop-Tarts off a guy before, hee- yuck hee-yuck." (jerk) Got all your giggles in on my behalf?

Anyways they call back saying my story is legit... So ten minutes after I hear them say to let me go, they finally decide to let me go. As they pull me out of the car I say to fatty, "Mind taking a picture?" He ignores me... Maybe hes eyeballing my breakfast... They un-cuff me, and say "Your stuff is all in your hat. You can leave now." Alright... no apology, no sorry about all this but its standard procedure.

Nice job guys... you really made me like the LA County Sheriffs Dept.

So apparently when my mom was waking the neighborhood, people called 911, then someone saw me run out to my truck and take off, Then I guess the same person saw me comeback. People thought I had hurt her and ran off then came back.

So here's what I have learned from this, mom needs not to scream bloody murder over a cat. Possibly murder, but not a cat. Sam needs to do what mom tells him to do in the first place. Not just go "uh huh". And I need to leave the house at a more reasonable time... If I had left sooner maybe they would have arrested Sam instead...

Ok, thats the arrest story that I will pass down to my kids and grandkids (Lord willing).

Thanks for reading.